Discernment

Have you ever prayed a prayer so many times you weren’t sure if God would ever answer it? I would consider myself a fairly new Christian. I guess new non lukewarm Christian for that matter. Recently I have been praying the same prayer a lot. Asking God to grant me discernment.  For those that are newer on their journey of Faith; Discernment in a christian context; perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtain spiritual guidance and understanding. So basically I’ve been asking God to give me guidance especially when making decisions, meeting new people or consuming anything entertainment, even food related. I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to have authority over my life. I always assumed when I received the Holy Spirit I would feel some big magical out of body feeling. Don’t ask me why. Maybe movies or things I have read about or seen. Anyway; I have been asking and asking for this. I know God doesn’t like us to ask for signs but I was becoming doubtful that I would ever have discernment in my life. I have been making it a point to spend more time with him. Getting into his word and meditating with him. Without distractions like phones, kids or husbands. This particular day I was reading from the book of John. I reached John 14 verse 6-14 and it kind of made me giggle thinking about how frustrated Jesus would have been. Verse 6-7 Jesus tells his disciples “ I am the way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me you will know my Father as well. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”  Philip proceeds to ask Jesus to show them the Father and it will be enough.  I love how Jesus replied verse 9 “Don’t you know me Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time?” He literally just got done explaining if you’ve seen and know Jesus then you have seen and know the Father. I can especially relate to those verses when it comes to motherhood. I don’t know about ya’ll but I have had to repeat myself often even after some pretty literal explanations and directions. After I got done reading I got to my alone time with God. Praying the same prayer I mentioned above. I had this feeling that I needed to tithe a certain amount the next time I attended church. We are blessed but we are also financially strapped at the moment. So this was kind of an anxiety inducing thought for me. I really needed to put my full trust in Him. I asked God over and over are you sure? I was fairly certain it was him speaking to me but my anxious self could never be sure. That went on for a good five minutes. Then I had the urgent urge to call my husband into the room and pray with him. We prayed and then yet again another urge to tell him about my urge to tithe said amount. He looked directly at me and said “I just had the same exact feeling, for the same amount and everything” . I can’t help but laugh. I can imagine the Father. He confirmed my feelings numerous times giving me a strong yes, that's what I need you to do. I did not stop questioning him so he sent my husband to me for confirmation it was really from him. Just like he had to keep repeating himself to Philip and the other disciples. Even after all the miracles, and sermons he performed. He really is so merciful and loves us so much. My husband and I continued talking. I told him things that I felt yucky doing and wanted to stop. Like watching certain reality shows I once enjoyed, having alcohol in the house and strange feelings I was getting about certain people or places. All at once it hit me. Oh my sakes this is discernment. He had answered my prayers. He had done it a while ago too. Praise God. Glory be to Him. This just proves that sometimes, especially speaking from a personal perspective even when it doesn’t seem like it, His work never stops and he ALWAYS hears us and he always answers. Even when we don’t realize or understand. He is patient, kind and understands our flaws. His love is incredible. My entire body and soul was so filled with joy. God is Good.